


My Dear Sixsmith

by sherlockpond



Category: Cloud Atlas (2012), Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
Genre: Love, Love Letters, M/M, Past Tense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-02-28
Packaged: 2017-12-03 21:55:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockpond/pseuds/sherlockpond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A letter that Robert wrote to Rufus about the past and their first time together. It's just a little insight into Robert and Sixsmith.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Dear Sixsmith

Dearest Sixsmith,

It feels like I’ve been gone too long and to be honest the only thing stopping me from getting on the train to you is the fact that I’m coming back to you in a week and I’m so very close to finishing my work here.  
Last night I dreamt of you, it was the first time we met. Do you remember? I was getting off the train to Cambridge and through the smoke of the cooling train I saw you, standing there in your long coat and your blue shirt, that shirt, I clearly envisage, always brings out the colour of your eyes and make you look like something ethereal. But it always seems to be me who spots you first, but I think I saw you for a reason. I knew that you were going to be special, I know that you were not just someone who was going to use me like an object. You looked at me as if I was completely crazy when I asked if you wanted to join me for coffee, I can still remember your slight smile when you finally agreed and the pit of my stomach felt like it was going to fall from me. I realised from that first look that I was completely and utterly yours and no-one else could hold me but you. I think about later on that night and in my dream I vividly remember that you were so scared, honestly Sixsmith, as if I would hurt you on purpose.  
When we were finally one I remember the look in your eyes, your eyes were so bright, shining in the low light from the lamp. I remember getting comfortable and your eyes rolled back and I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen anything quite so beautiful in my life, the way that you responded to me I felt reborn, I felt like you and I were the only people in existence.  
And the world went quiet. You remember, don’t you? I imagine you reading this and thinking back to that night. The way that the sweat beaded down your back and the people in the next room shouted at us for being so loud, threatening to call the manager but you just smiled at me. It felt as if your eyes were looking into my soul, as if I was both metaphorically as well as literally laid out for your taking. I then knew what it was like to be sacrificed for the one you love, I let you take what you wanted and you gasped when I kissed your lips, each movement between us felt like it for the first time. I know you read this and smile to yourself, I’m glad I can still make you smile, the only problem is that I can’t be there to see it. Why must we keep parting? I have a feeling we did all of this a lifetime ago, years and years ago but yet it feels so new. I know that I belong to you and that once my work here is done that I will return to you and we will have more moments like our first.

You will make me feel reborn over and over again. I love you so much, Sixsmith, it’s like some sort of wave. The feeling of completely pure affection moves through me so strongly I feel like I’m being pulled in different directions by a rip-tide; but then I wonder if that is what love is. A tidal wave that hits us out of no-where and consumes us completely, without warning or guilt it taken over us and makes us feel like we are part of another person. Keep thinking of that night and the other nights we have shared since, they make me feel as if the time I spend away from you is merely a bump in the road and when I come to you I will refuse to let you leave the hotel room for days on end. I promise Sixsmith, that you will not even need to lift a hand, I will make sure you have everything you need. 

God, this feeling in my chest. I feel like, if given the chance, it could break down walls and stop wars. If only you could feel it, Sixsmith. Maybe you can and I am being naïve. It’s just difficult to imagine someone loving me. After the years it has taken me to find someone who doesn’t pay for an artificial love I suppose it’s difficult to come to terms with it. But if you say you do then I believe you because I cannot not believe a word you say. And whilst I sit here writing this letter a certain amount of foolishness seems to grasp me, I feel that you, a person so capable of anything you want, would want me is quite ridiculous, and speaking of ridiculous, do not get me started on your new hat. Yes, I got the picture you sent me, you looked rather dashing, but that hat, Sixsmith, looks terribly peculiar. Admittedly though, I have a feeling that it may grow on me. I will have to see it on you in person to make up my mind, I think. I forgot to mention that I received the scarf you sent me, it’s beautiful, thank you. And just the right colour, not white, but not yellow, the cream colour makes me look more mature, something that I don’t know if it is good or bad. I have a feeling you kept it in a draw with your clothes in though, it smells like you and I think that’s partly why I had the dream last night, I had decided to use it as a pillow and my subconscious must have cast your image to try to settle my desires. But, you see, I don’t think I can settle my desires without you being here in person. I want you to be here, with me. I want to be able to look into those eyes. Those eyes that look like blue pools and I want to kiss your lips. Then I want to undress you and worship your body.  
Please Sixsmith, if I wait too long I have a feeling my brain may implode.  
The sextet is nearly ready; I have been getting more and more ideas thanks to you.   
I will see you soon, I promise.

Always and forever,

Yours,

R.F


End file.
